I’ve started buying linen clothing to take to Sicily. In my head I am an archaeologist in Egypt, walking around a tel in the desert, a beige pitch hat shooing away flies. I’m elegant a little dusty, a tad sweaty.

But I don’t look like that woman.

And yet, I learned from the last visit that synthetic materials are a no. Not at all. Nada. Niente. Rien.

Naturally I won’t wear light colours due to my affliction.*

*Within seconds of sipping or taking a bite, I will inevitably stain it. This observation is 100% accurate and true.